How to Create and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Prioritising and putting yourself first when it feels like everything is fighting for your energy and attention.

I’m not sure if it’s because Scorpio season is upon us and things are getting intense or I’m noticing it more by being the observer, but people are pushing boundaries right now. Whether it’s clients contacting me for advice or friends and family needing a shoulder, I’m aware of multiple pulls on my time, energy and resources. Now you may say ‘that’s life’ and I would agree, to some extent it is. What I’ve learnt after 25 years of personal development work is that maintaining healthy boundaries is about dropping in to observer mode, rather than gearing up for firefighting.

When you jump right in and begin putting out everyone elses fires (read dramas) you neglect yourself and your own priorities. Yes it may make you feel good helping everyone else but is it actually enabling behaviour? I ask because thats been a big learning for me over the years. Due to people pleasing tendencies I spent years overgiving. The result? Burnout. Stress. Chronic Fatigue. Plus I wasn’t putting any energy into my hopes, dreams and desires. Why? I told myself I didn’t have the resources. I was spent, its true. Yet it was no one elses responsibilty but mine.

I hated saying no. It felt selfish. I consistently put myself at the bottom of the list. After my daughter, my job, my home, my family and friends. Inevitably there was nothing left. Certainly not for fun, adventute and romance. Yet I kept on working part time as a self employed yoga teacher, healer, life coach and feng shui consultant. I’m so glad I did as I learnt so much and healed by applying all my learnings to myself and my daughter. This has led to a much healthier and more enjoyable life. One where I can feel stress, overwhelm and other emotions before they become a problem and deal with them head on. So I’m in awareness that the people around me are needing more and looking to me to supply it. With that awareness I can check in with where I’m at. What am I able to give? How full is my tank? What are my priorities?

Fill up regularly

Now I know when life feels stressful it can seem tough to prioritise. What is the best choice to make? So my advice is to get quiet. Maybe you meditate, or have an app that guides you. Great. If not just start with five minutes a day at a set time. Turn all electronics off. Sit somewhere comfy and close your eyes. As you do notice your breathe as it enters and leaves the body. No need to change it. Just notice. You may want to have a pen and paper next to you. The goal is to allow yourself five minutes a day to do nothing. When you have a thought just say 'hello' to it and let it float away. After five minutes you may want to write down any priorities that came up. Maybe at first it’ll be mundane tasks or something for someone else. Just notice that. Set aside that time regularly. Set an alarm for five mintues so you can really relax and switch off. In the silence away from external stimulation it will allow the quiet voice of your intuition to be heard. Maybe not at first but keep going. To build a habit you need to continue for three weeks. I like meditating in the morning before I’ve switched my phone on. That way I start the day on my terms rather than the outside worlds demands pulling at me and scattering my energy.

When you practise centering yourself through meditation you aren’t as easily pulled and stretched in every direction. Prioritising yourself for five minutes a day is a message to yourself and others in how much you value yourself and your time. If others throw their toys out of the pram let them. Ok so if you have am actual baby or toddler than I get finding five minuites seems impossibe sometimes. I chose meditation over ironing when my daughter was that age. I think that was a great investment of my time as it paid me back with stronger inner resources 1000 times over, which helped me have way more patience as a mother too. Of course this is just one way to create and maintain healthy boundaries. Do you have ways that work for you? I’d love to hear them.